Jesus, Mary and Joseph pray for me, for us. That is a common and comforting prayer. It is an affirmation of the reverence for and the sense of peace that comes from contemplating the Holy Family which we do today on this the Feast of the Holy Family.
Surely it was the intention of God the Father to send his son to be part of a family, an especially powerful teaching. Pope Francis at the World Meeting on Families in Philadelphia last September noted: “So great was his love that he (God) began to walk with mankind, he began to walk alongside his people, until the right time came and then he gave the greatest demonstration of love: his Son. And where did he send his Son? To a palace, to a city, to an office building? He sent him to a family. God came into the world in a family. And he could do this because that family was a family with a heart open to love, a family whose doors were open.”
Our Gospel reading gives us a glimpse of the Holy Family in a very human moment. Anyone who has cared for children can appreciate the anxiety Mary and Joseph must have felt on discovering that Jesus was not with them. The journey from Jerusalem to Nazareth was a long walk on hilly roads. Historians tell us that men and women often traveled in separate groups at differing paces. They would meet at an appointed place for the night. Children might travel in either group. Some scholars speculate that Joseph could have thought that Jesus was with Mary and Mary thought he was with Joseph. When they discovered otherwise, anxiously they returned to Jerusalem in search. Can you imagine the emotions of losing track of Jesus? You parents can.
They finally found him in the Temple after three days. Mary asked in anguish but also with relief, “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.” One of the most frequently asked questions in families or at least it was in mine as a child was: “where have you been.” That can be translated: “why have you done this to us”. Parents ask it of children when they return later than expected after visions of accidents, injuries or trouble.
I suspect that this emotional moment was recorded to suggest that even in the Holy Family there was the reality of family dynamics. Mary and Joseph were specially blessed; Jesus was the son of God, yet in their family human relationships were real. That ought to give us all encouragement in our own relationships in family and otherwise.
Spouses may ask it of each other: where have you been, perhaps meaning, why have you done this to me. Children may unknowingly ask the question when parents neglect them out of lack of responsibility, addiction, mental illness or choosing another priority such as work or pleasure over family responsibilities and over them. Certainly it is not easy being a parent or assuming a parental role. You may remember the old line attributed to Lord Rochester: “before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children, now I have six children and no theories.”
It is not easy being a child either. A few years ago a group of ninth graders was asked what do they most want. More sleep was the number one answer, followed by wanting to get along better with parents. A goal surely shared by parents.
It is no secret that the traditional family is at risk in our day. Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI noted “the family is an intermediate institution between individuals and society and nothing can completely take its place. . . . The family is a necessary good for peoples, an indispensable foundation for society and a great and lifelong treasure for couples.”
Jesus’ reply to Mary is revealing and profound. His words are the first words of Jesus recorded in Sacred Scripture surely also not without intention. “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” Some have interpreted this response to be “did you not know that I must be about the affairs of God, my Father?” That is a lesson for us when we worry and wonder. Where would God want us to be and what would God want us to do? In family life and in all life a God centered focus offers perspective and hope.
The Gospel tells us that Jesus then went down to Nazareth with Mary and Joseph where he advanced in wisdom and age and favor before God, preparing for his mission. Parents have the opportunity to help shape their children while also recognizing the need for them to grow and learn for themselves.
When to hold on, when to let go is a dual mystery. This uncertainty of how, what and when to say or do is true for parents caring for minor children, or parents and adult children relating to one another, and adult children caring for aging parents. It is also true of bishops and priests as spiritual fathers. This asks us without compromise in truth to be sensitive to one another, including imagining being in the others shoes. The diocese through Catholic Family Services counseling and the Office of Marriage, Family and Respect Life offer programs of support. Yet it is in being grounded in Christ, calling on the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph. that can bring perspective and result in respect.
One essential responsibility of parents is to be the teacher of their children in the faith. Through baptism they have the right to call on the Church for assistance. But, parents are the first teachers of the faith to their children; if done well it will sustain them throughout their lives. A beautiful by-product is that when we teach the young, we adults grow in understanding as well.
It can be challenging to balance all the competing relationships in families, to be a parent, a child, a spouse, a brother or sister, an in-law or an extended family member as a friend, especially with the complicated family relationships in our day. Yet when grounded in Christian charity and the mutual respect exampled by the Holy Family whose central focus was on God those challenges can be dealt with. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the Holy Family who forgave, sacrificed and loved, show us the way and are ready to intercede for us along the way. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, pray for us and our families, and for the restoration of healthy family life around the world.