By Aubrey Hansen
In today’s society, where pleasure often takes priority over morals, the dating world can seem daunting and confusing. Young Catholic adults face numerous uncertainties as they search for their spouse. The true purpose of dating has been clouded by a culture that often distorts its meaning, turning it into a moral hazard rather than a meaningful pursuit. As most of us are called to married life, we must understand the guides for a successful, God-centered dating process in preparation for a holy marriage.
Challenges of modern dating
The hookup culture and over-sexualization of relationships present challenges to Catholics seeking their future husband or wife. Social media, often mistaken for a platform to find love, fails to develop lasting, genuine relationships. Although social media is a great place to connect with and meet people, it doesn’t replace the connection of an in-person interaction.
Men and women are encouraged to pursue each other in real-life interactions rather than relying on digital communication. Father Scott Traynor, vicar for lay and clergy formation for the diocese, says, “Men actually have to be willing to step up, take an interest in a woman that they’re attracted to, put their ego on the line, and ask her out.” Social media interactions, such as Snapchat or Instagram messages, do not compare to real dates and can never replace the true connection of face-to-face encounters.
Purpose of dating
Dating, from a Catholic perspective, is not a casual pursuit. It has the goal of finding a spouse and creating a family. For those called to marriage, the primary goal of dating is to find someone who will push you in your faith and ultimately help you get to heaven. Father Traynor hopes to see a recovery of the dating world, returning to an attitude where a date is just a date with no strings attached versus the presumed promiscuity of the hookup culture.
But what’s the purpose of going on just one date?
“When you have the privilege to spend time with a person you’re interested in, you get to know them and they get to know you in a way that’s different than when you’re hanging out in a group,” says Father Traynor.
He further clarifies that by engaging in this focused interaction, you can better understand the other’s values, faith and commitment. You can also recognize the traits you do or do not want in a future spouse.
As a Catholic in the dating world, it is important that you first acknowledge your dignity and be confident in your identity as a child of God. Today, the societal pressures of jumping into a relationship can feel overwhelming. Craving validation and attention is natural, but too much desperation can cloud your judgment and potentially compromise your morals.
Take the time for your relationship to develop into a true state of love, friendship and sacrifice before committing yourself to marriage. Remember this is a search for not only your true love, it is a search for your best friend for life.
While there is no set-in-stone Catholic rule book on dating, there are considerations and principles that can guide you. Embrace your identity as a child of God, pursue relationships with faith and intentionality, and remember that dating is ultimately a path to a fruitful marriage. By staying true to these principles, you can navigate the challenges of modern dating and find a spouse who shares your commitment to faith and family.
Aubrey Hansen is a student at USD studying marketing and a member of St. Mary Parish in Dell Rapids.
