Who are the oppressed, marginalized and
poor little people among us?
We do not have to look far to find the oppressed among us. I
see them nearly every day as I do visitation among the elderly
homebound parishioners or those who have to leave their homes
and live in assisted living facilities or nursing homes.
Most of us have worked nearly every day of our adult life to
earn the money we need to live, to acquire the possessions we
have, to buy the homes we live in, to own the cars we drive,
never thinking that when we get older we will have them all
stripped away.
Most elderly people I visit plead for me to find someone who
will live with them, to prepare their meals, to help care for
them, but those people can no longer be found.
Therefore, elderly people who can no longer care for themselves
and do not have family to care for them (because we are living
in a two income society), end up making very difficult decisions
to sell all they have and move into institutional care. This
means they must leave the home they raised their family in,
the home with all of the memories, the home which helped give
them their identity, their home in which they gave the gift
of hospitality to others.
In contrast they now must live in a room, which may be as big
as one room of their original home or perhaps, smaller. They
can only take one or two pieces of furniture, several mementos
and pictures and a plant or two. All of the possessions, which
helped define them, are gone. The women can no longer cook their
own meals, but are expected to enjoy the taste of someone else’s
cooking. The men can no longer go out to the garage and tinker.
They are lost and in exile.
Besides their loss of possessions, they also often lose their
independence. Due to illness they often can no longer drive
and must become dependent on others to go to the store, out
to eat, go to Mass or go to the doctor.
Now remember, this is happening to people who are South Dakotans,
who are fiercely independent and private.
These tough, stoic, survivors of the prairie, are now living
in a type of bondage. Yes, they may live in beautiful facilities,
but they often are isolated from the rest of society. Their
days are filled with superimposed activities, which leave them
feeling like they are being treated like a child. They are often
labeled as demented, therefore, they do not have to be listened
to.
What is really happening to them? They are experiencing grief
and loss-grief related to loss of their homes, their independence,
their health, their identity, their role defined by their jobs
and vocations. They are often sad and lonely. Sometimes they
are angry. They embody much pain, physically and emotionally.
They often become hopeless and isolated. Their will to live
deteriorates. Their spirits die. They feel useless and discarded.
How can we learn to listen to them and what lessons can we
learn from them?
When I go to visit them I often find them to be the most
beautiful people. They want to tell their life stories, but
no one wants to listen anymore. They want to share their ideas
and what they are learning from reading. They want to give
their opinions about politics and world events. They want
to share the love in their hearts. I have discovered that
they want a friend who cares about them and wants to learn
from them. They want to share their wisdom acquired through
hard life experiences.
Yes, it takes time to listen. We often are so much in a hurry
that we no longer have time to stop and listen. Children and
the elderly challenge us to find that balance-to slow down,
to take a few moments to follow a different drummer than the
driven pace of our society.
I find the seniors who I visit to be very resourceful, prayerful
people. The way they cope with their circumstances is to pray
faithfully everyday. Rather than be consumed by self pity
they become very resourceful with the little they have. One
woman recently told me about a birthday card she made by cutting
hearts out of a catalogue someone had tossed into the garbage.
She carefully told me how she had to use a small piece of
tape to glue the hearts on because she had no glue. She used
scraps which we would normally discard as useless to make
something beautiful because she loved this person and wanted
to send them a card, which she could no longer go out to buy.
I visit another woman who has become a dear friend. When I
first started to see her she informed me sternly that I was
late. You see, she was a retired nurse and very conscientious.
When I told her that I had been wandering throughout the facility
looking for her, she firmly announced that it was important
to her for me to be on time. Since then, we have become very
good friends through regular visits. I listened to life from
her perspective. I found she was more updated about the new
books at Barnes and Nobles than I was. We often shared the
newest and oldest books with each other. I began to hear life
in the facility from her perspective. She told me delightful
stories about the way the facility cooks, how she is often
invited to the library (where you check out books). Her room
is filled with fragments of her previous life and she is always
working on creative projects, which she can share with others.
Another man, who was a farmer, grew tomatoes in his little
room and worked hard to construct what he needed, like a new
footstool and a new carrier on his wheelchair so he could
bring home potting soil. This man had only one leg and had
many chronic illnesses, but he didn’t give up. He often
told me the best tips for gardening and shared the wisdom
only a farmer and gardener could give.
How can we extend the community to those who are unable to
attend? What steps can we take to offer hope, forgiveness
and comfort to those who are hurting?
Here are some possible answers or suggestions to those questions:
1. Value the elderly.
2. Respect the elderly.
3. Listen to their stories.
4. Take time to be with them.
5. Let them share their wisdom with you.
6. Share your experiences with them.
7. Make them feel important.
8. Remember them with cards, phone calls and visits.
9. Take an interest in them.
10. Get to know them as the delightful human beings they are.
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