Am I living how I want to live, if this is the last month of my life?
This is the attitude I see when visiting many elderly parishioners the past few years. I saw them continue to choose life when I would have given up. The way we choose to live and the depth of our feelings, our ability to love and to be loved, these determine the worth and extent of whatever time we have.
Listening to them prompted me to send out a questionnaire to 100 St. Joseph Cathedral and Christ the King parishioners who were between 80 and 100 years old. As I visited them, I marveled at their resiliency, faith, ability to cope, persistent hope and positive attitude when facing hardships such as chronic illness or the death of a loved one. The questions I asked them were:
• How do you deal with life’s challenges?
• What advise would you give to young people about living a long, good life?
• List the three most important qualities that helped you face the challenges of life.
•How did you deal with losses? What did you do when you lost a family member?
• Please share any other wisdom you have about aging or living with a chronic illness.
Dr. Bernie Siegel, a physician and an author of several books about living with chronic illness, writes, “Exceptional patients were willing to make choices. They reached out and took chances. They took chances related to living and had a willingness to be inspired. They were ready to experience new things. They chose what was right for them at the moment. If it didn’t work, they let go of it. If it did provide them with something, they would continue. They learned from others but didn’t let others decide for them. Exceptional patients take responsibility. They are not afraid of failure; they focus on their abilities. Survivors always seem to have a sense of humor, even in the midst of adversity.”
One of the responses demonstrated being just this kind of person. She wrote, “Hello all! Lots of repair work on older units-am getting my knees retreated now-much like my dad with his grease gun around the old John Deere.”
Those parishioners who completed the surveys knew what inner resources are needed to be exceptional. They knew who they were and offered insights about how to meet the challenges of chronic illness. Most suggested taking one day at a time and living it to the fullest, doing what they enjoyed and keeping as active as possible.
Meeting and accepting challenges head on with courage and persistence was a key to managing life. They were courageous risk takers, always willing to learn something new and to try it. In spite of their own problems, they made compassion, love and care for others a priority.
The purpose of their being alive is to continually grow in their love of God and others. Prayer, dependence on God, faith, thanking God for what they had, praying the rosary and faith and devotion to the Blessed Mother, are daily disciplines. Getting well is not the ultimate goal; more important is learning to live without fear, to cultivate hope and faith and to be at peace with life and, ultimately, death.
When asked what were the three most important qualities that helped them face the challenges of life, their faith was listed as number one. Hope, prayer, church, forgiveness, being thankful to God and acceptance in faith of difficult situations were also acknowledged as important. Family support and love, gardening, being honest, seeking the truth, volunteering, loving and caring for others and friends were also frequently noted.
Dr. Thomas Perls, associate professor of medicine at Boston University School of Medicine and author of a book, “Living to 100: Lessons in Living to Your Maximum Potential at Any Age” studied 1500 centenarians and defines a centenarian personality as a stress-reducing mindset that combines thinking with a fighting spirit.
He wrote, “Most of these people are upbeat, funny and gregarious…they score low in depression, anger, worry and fear. They shake off stress just like ducks shake water off their backs. Many have experienced great losses in their lives, yet they bounce back easily. They thrive in the present and think very little about their limited futures.”
When asked what wisdom the seniors from St. Joseph Cathedral and Christ the King parish would give about living with a chronic illness and aging, we saw they were trusting people, who trusted God, their doctors and their families. They made the most of each day learning to accept what God gave them, making the best of everything. They coped with pain and aches by offering them to the Lord and kept going as long as they could.
They continued to thank God for each day, prayed their rosaries and believed that God had a plan for them. Maintaining good relationships with family, friends, neighbors and their physicians was important. They chose not to worry about the things they could not control and to laugh as much as they could. Having fun, laughing and staying active was a part of their lives and kept them young.
In the midst of our busy lives, what can we learn from the wisdom of the seniors who worship with us each week? The elderly advise that we take time to pray for God’s blessings in all aspects of life, never forgetting our Catholic faith and that all we have comes from God, keeping Christ in our lives.
They know that we are whole beings, body, mind, spirit. Paying attention to our health, saying no to drugs and alcohol, living in moderation, slowing down, exercising and eating healthy food will also contribute to a long good life. Healthy People 2000 says that good health comes from reducing unnecessary suffering, illness and disability. It comes as well from an improved quality of life. Health is this best measured by a sense of well-being.
In the face of suffering, illness, pain, failure and discouragement (whether one’s own or someone else’s), it is essential not only to make the effort to be consciously God-connected, but also to do so with great patience, tenacity and faith. It was Julian of Norwich’s understanding that “all shall be well.” You may not be pleased with the outcome, nevertheless, all shall indeed be well.